#but anyway. trying to like. only talk to my mom rn for this reason.

[its-all-papaya]

the thing about being in ur 20s is it's like hm which one of my friends can i talk to about my horrible mental health without triggering THEIR horrible mental health and making that worse also

[hauntedwoman]

as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult

[seaofreverie]

The Me who bought tickets to see TMBG in february 2023 and the Me who's going to actually go to the show next month are two completely different people

[mins-fins]

ANGEL EYES. — [L.MH] [PREVIEW]

❝ sometimes, it feels as if mark lee is your guardian angel ❞

SYNOPSIS: innocent cherub eyes, gently soft hands, a heart of gold, mark lee is the golden boy whose experienced as much love as he gives back. his grades are high, his smile is wide, and his laughter is sweet. the only reason mark lee gets embroiled in a world of trouble is because of his pairing with the 'messed up foster kid' in a school project. it would be stupid to ever let himself get involved, but mark does anyway.

PAIRING: mark lee x male!reader

GENRE: mid–2000s au, high school au, strangers to lovers, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, humor(?), slow burn, one sided pining to mutual pining, sadness as a romantic segway, relationship study, reader is a foster kid, mark pov, happy ending.. (i suppose)

WARNINGS: swearing, explicit language, violence, drug abuse, child abuse & neglect, family issues, mentions of death, smoking, homophobia, reader simply has the worst time and mark sobs about his circumstances, an awful amount of love that isn't realized to be love

WORD COUNT: 2.7k (preview) | ..pending (full fic)

NOTES: hello everyone, this is my baby, the birth was very special, i love my baby so much 💗 listen! i started this in early august and i am STILL going, this going to be LONG.. longest mins-fins work ever long 😞 im estimating 30–40k, the power of mark lee yall 😇 it's going to go on forever, and it's definitely going to be sad in some ways, i am currently about to hit 20k words.. sooooiooooo 😊😊 i hope you like this preview bc i really dk when the real thing is coming out 😭😭 im in so much pain rn, let me nap now 😴

BEFORE IT WAS IN THE CRISP AUTUMN ATMOSPHERE, mark lee had met you at the local police station. it was only a few months prior, august of 2004 brought the prospect of donghyuck doing everything to try and get arrested, prospects that mark could only respond with under the breath swears. he loves donghyuck, he really does, but driving shouldn't have been his first choice. in all of the friendships mark has had with other people in his life, donghyuck has always brought a wave of chaos along with him, the exact opposite of who mark's mom would advise him to stay away from, but she'd always had a soft spot for him, mark can't exactly blame her.

fresh off turning seventeen and utterly clueless as to what the future would bring, mark only found himself at the police station for one reason. donghyuck had driven without a license. yep, sixteen years old and he assumed doing an illegal u-turn was the way to end his summer.

mark has always been a stand up kid. the kind who handed out his mom's cookies to the neighbors. the kind who called for stray cats in alleyways. the kind who was simply an innocent bystander to all the bullshit his friends would pull.

so when donghyuck called him from a jail phone, voice heightened in indignation as he begged for mark to come make a case for him, the older really had no choice but to do so. mark had never been to a police station before, afraid of catching sight of real criminals in the flesh by just walking past the building. he had heard too many scary stories, had terrible ideas of human beings planted in his head.

and even as a seventeen year old who had experienced life enough that such things shouldn't have terrified him anymore, there was still a small pit in his stomach as he rounded the corner in direction of the building.

"and how exactly am i supposed to bail you out?" an eyebrow raise accompanied mark's inquiry, and donghyuck scoffed as he shook his cuffed hands.

"you don't have to bail me out, my dad knows the sheriff, i'm just getting off with a warning" he whispered, sweat on his brow as he shared that familiar 'no shit' look with mark (an ironic expression really, he's the only one between the two of them that's been in cuffs).

mark snickered. "you talk so much when you're the one handcuffed".

"watch your mouth, you need me".

just as donghyuck was about to let out a swear in addition to his snappy response, said sheriff walked into the room, tight lipped smile painting his face. "don't try that again donghyuck, or next time you'll end up in a cell".

in a instant, donghyuck's blood ran cold, mark almost laughed at the sight, but he remained still, watching. the older man glanced up, catching mark's anxiety ridden eyes. "and you are?"

"this is mark, my best friend" donghyuck was quick to quip, a hand placed onto his shoulder.

mark's stomach dropped to his feet, it isn't as if he did anything wrong, it was simply on par for him to be severely anxious around law enforcement in general, he was just afraid he'd somehow get arrested for nothing at all.

"ohhh i remember you, i used to assume you two were brothers".

mark let out a breathy (and clearly faked) chuckle, trying to bury his anxiety. he could never explain it, even if you gave him all the words to, it's not like he's a bad kid, he just finds himself tensing often. "no, just friends.."

"it's good to have someone so close as support" he narrowed his eyes at donghyuck, who stifled his scoff at the clear sarcasm lacing his tone. he then scrunched his nose, watching as donghyuck placed a performative smile on his lips. "now you, sir, we need to have a talk".

donghyuck frowned, whining out complaints as he's dragged away by the sheriff. "can you wait, mark?"

mark blinked, shoving his hands into his pant pockets. he nodded, out of words. the two bantered back and forth like friends, something mark could only stare idly at. he made his way over to the seats beside the door, where, nestled in the corner of one of them, was you.

you were scribbling something into your notebook, unaware of the eyes on you. mark sat two chairs away from you, tapping his feet onto the floor as he heard the faint sounds of scoldings. safe driving, don't get into a car without a license, your future won't be any better if you continue this shit.

swearing at a child, mark found that rich. he glances beside him again, now watching you intently. you were engrossed in the manner your pen scratched against your paper, mark had figured out through endless staring that you hadn't been writing, but drawing.

you avoided his eyes for a while, ignorant to the eyes gazing you up and down. you then glanced in mark's direction, almost startling him out of his seat with the sudden stare. you blinked, puzzled out of your mind. "is there something on my face?"

mark tensed in his seat, feeling his stomach swirl, was he staring so much that you felt offended? he felt guilty immediately, his lips parting immediately and releasing a silent breath. "no.. no i'm sorry, i didn't mean to".

you shrugged your shoulders, one click to your pen. mark recognized you, but he simply couldn't conjure up an explanation as to why you were sitting in a police station at this time, drawing whatever into your notebook. "so why are you staring then?"

"i'm trying to figure out why you're here" mark muttered, fingers fiddling with his necklace as he tried to get his tone straight in fear of again offending you. "i'm sure you aren't committing crimes".

"i can say the same for you, mr golden boy".

mark's lips turned up slightly, his hands twitching from where they rested on his lips. "i got kicked out.. always come here to let dad and mom cool off for a few hours".

the words earned an eyebrow raise from mark, that was strange to hear, especially from another person in regards to their own parents. mark had never really experienced such a thing, the way you described it made his nose scrunch. "what?"

before you could respond to that one, a police officer entered the room, one you seemed to recognize by the way your eyes lit up. "come on l/n, time to go".

a frown settled onto your lips. "do i really have to go now? you know how my parents are.."

"i can't keep you here, it would technically be illegal".

"it's not like they'll care anyway.." you mumbled, slamming your notebook shut with yet another click to your pen. "just an hour longer, please?"

there was a sense of hope in your eyes, maybe he would actually take your words into account. mark simply stared, staggered by what he was witnessing. the officer watched the change of your expressions, your thumb playing at the button on your pen, continuously clicking over and over. as the clicks amplified, so did the sound of your labored breathing.

"you know i can't do that kid".

your frown deepened, teeth sinking into your bottom lip. worry, that's what mark remembered. your eyes widened, but not in the usual shock, simply in disappointment. you cursed under your breath, muttering something about your parents getting pissed at your reappearance. you stopped clicking your pen, letting the chagrin settle onto you. "yeah.."

you sucked your teeth, imitating the look of a sulky child. mark was consumed by his silence, completely confused by the situation. he didn't give a comment, simply watched the whole entire thing happen. "i'll give you a few minutes, don't worry".

you didn't respond to that one, your eyes following the police officer who strolled out the door towards his car. you bit into your lip again, hands grasping onto your notebook and thumb still pressing onto your pen. "what bullshit".

mark continued staring, his hands clutching at his thighs. you then glanced at him once more, causing for him to flinch back. you stayed silent, watching him as much as he did you a few minutes prior.

"are you alright?" he muttered, leaving his voice at a low volume. he didn't want to raise it, he wanted to keep it at a volume that kept you comfortable.

you snickered, clicking your tongue against the roof of your mouth. "fine, going home is just my worst nightmare".

mark's fingers found themselves sliding across his legs, teeth sliding against each other in back and forth motions. he blinked his big brown eyes, staring with an assured gaze he hoped would somehow make it's way to you. "i'm sorry".

he whispered those two words as if he was in physical pain, eyes watering for an inexplainable moment. he couldn't help it, and he had no idea why he couldn't help it. it was embarrassing how much he felt at the moment.

you stared back, lips pursuing. your expressions did at least seventy transformations, as if you were in disbelief at someone having empathy for you. you seemed distraught, why is he tearing up? that's so strange.

you chuckled, hoping it would quell his worries. "it's okay, not like it's your fault".

"still, you shouldn't have to feel that way about going home.. your parents shouldn't be kicking you out".

you grimaced, put off by the words. it isn't as if they were terrible, you just seemed.. astonished. why did he care? it was simply weird to you.

"well thank you for your concern but i'll be fine".

mark blinked away the tears threatening to escape his eyes, god what was wrong with him? why did he even tear up at that? he totally weirded you out.

"yeah um.. i'm sorry" mark bit into his inner cheek, letting out a heavy sigh. "just have a good day" a theatric smile placed itself on his lips, he was definitely trying to convince himself that it wasn't that bad of a situation.

you stared longer, seemingly itching to say something. there were words resting on the tip of your tongue, mark could practically sense it. "yeah, you too".

and when you stood up to walk out of the door, donghyuck coincidentally escaped the clutches of the sheriff, stumbling out of his office with his arms crossed over his chest. the door closed behind you, and mark watched the entire time.

"what took you so long?" mark uttered, eyes casting donghyuck's way.

the younger huffed in his usual donghyuck manner, hands on his hips. "he was giving me a big talk about safe driving" he placed heavy air quotes around the last two words, lips curled into a frown.

mark licked his teeth, his thoughts retracing back to you. "do you know him..?"

donghyuck blinked, his mouth opening to ask about who until he saw the way mark motioned his head. "y/n? oh yeah, he's around here all the time, the officers basically take him in whenever.."

"why?"

his voice scratched like sandpaper, donghyuck wincing at the tone. he then shrugged his shoulders, his attitude puzzled. "something about his parents not really caring, it's pretty shitty".

mark's lips parted in a freezing motion, his stomach pain only worsening. "that's scary.. feeling safer at the police station than your own home".

"i don't know much about his situation, just know his parents have a terrible temper".

mark swallowed the lump in his throat, his head beginning to pound at the information given. he tried to distract himself by thinking about school coming up soon, but he was snapped back into reality by donghyuck.

"why are you even asking me about y/n?"

mark glanced up at his childhood friend, a small whisper in his mind telling him to lie. "just curious that's all".

the lie laid bitter on his tongue, but he didn't allow for donghyuck to dwell on it, rising from the chair he's practically glued himself to. "promise me you'll never illegally drive again, the officers here look like they wanna kill me".

donghyuck rolled his eyes, tease evident in his attitude. "okay markie, promise".

mark pushed his shoulder in retaliation.

that? that was two months ago.

before the crisp autumn weather drifted through the atmosphere, before the leaves began falling to decorate the ground in orange and brown hues, mark lee had met you at the local police station. your legs crossed, pen clicking, and nose buried into your notebook.

september came and went rather quickly, the scorching heat of the summer air transforming into the russet autumn scenery which drifts into october. the temperature steadily dropping, sweaters becoming more and more common in his closet, mark can't exactly focus in class during the first few months of school.

when mark hears his name fall from his teacher's lips in pair with yours, he snaps out of an episode of disassociation, blinking up. "what?"

his teacher deadpanned, readjusting her glasses. she doesn't even seem surprised by his lack of focus anymore, his exhaustion is constantly evident. "project partners mark, you'll be paired with y/n".

mark only parts his lips in response, the words rendering him speechless. he glances around the classroom as he listens to the older woman's voice blurs into the background, catching sight of you in the far back, again scribbling into your notebook, your manner reminiscent of how you acted the first time you two met.

he stares for a while before again looking forward, his mouth going dry as he tries again to focus, but of course, he can't. his mind stays focused on you throughout the whole class, even after the endless words he lets blur away.

you spin your pen between your fingers, it's the same pen you had that day, maybe you have some sort of attachment to it or something, maybe it's your favorite pen, maybe someone special gifted that pen to you.

maybe mark's letting it all get to his head, why is he even making assumptions when he hasn't walked up to you yet?

while everyone else rushes to leave the class, mark rises from his seat and again glances over at you, slinging his back over his shoulder.

you're riveted by what you're doing in your notebook, so absorbed that you barely hear the shuffling footsteps making their way around the many desks towards yours. your lips turn down as you smudge the ink on the page, a small suck of the teeth adding to your frustration.

"um.. hi" mark whispers, watching as you glance up and pause, one click to your pen. you don't respond immediately, studying mark for a while, and mark tenses up under your gaze, sucking a breath between his teeth.

"hi".

"we uh— were partners for the project".

your smile is neutral. "i know".

mark began biting the skin off his lips, hands gripping at his backpack. "i don't know where you want to start, uh.. maybe we could go to the library?"

he's just saying what he's hoping will work. he doesn't exactly know you yet, he assumes your one off interaction at the police station left a sour taste in your mouth.

but unbeknownst to mark's anxious inner voice, you smile, not exactly a neutral one this time, a much better smile ('better' in terms of expression, your lips stretch into an aspect of satisfaction).

"that'd be nice".

mark nods, almost too enthusiastically he thinks. how embarrassing. you let out a silent yawn, oblivious to the battle mark is having in his head. "tomorrow maybe we can start?"

your smile again becomes neutral, but at least mark doesn't think you want to kill him. "yeah, tomorrow is fine".

tomorrow. tomorrow is fine.

"okay, have a good day y/n".

mark rushes out of the classroom much too fast, he feels a little terrified of you. maybe you don't exactly want to kill him, maybe you just look at everyone else in that way, maybe it won't be that bad to be paired with you.

still, mark isn't sure why his mind tells him he should stay away from you.

[salt-clangen]

Moon 9

Leaf-Fall

I'm sick rn but managed to finish up the next moon <3

It was just before evening when Wolfstar called for a clan meeting. Snowspeckle was the only one who knew what she’d planned as she called Shadowpaw to sit on a large rock adjacent to her and Lynxpaw sat beside him. He must’ve had some idea of what was going as he smiled at her.

She took a deep breath to steady her nerves, trying to do it like she’d practiced with Snowspeckle.

"It’s time for Shadowpaw to be made a warrior, he’s proven himself to be a vital part of this clan and has passed my assessments.” She began and the small crowd cheered, Snowspeckle had even brought the kits out to witness this. The pair was surprisingly well behaved.

"I, Wolfstar, leader of Saltclan, call upon our warrior ancestors to look down on this Apprentice. Shadowpaw do you promise to uphold the Warrior Code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

Shadowpaw seemed to preen under her gaze, chin lifting as he answered.

“I do.” He answered with a rumbling purr.

“Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Shadowpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Shadowdive. StarClan honors your dedication and drive, and we welcome you as a full warrior of Saltclan.”

The clan broke out into cheers.

“Shadowdive! Shadowdive! Shadowdive!”

As the day fades to night, Shadowdive stands atop the rocks bordering camp. Wolfstar joins him for a moment.

“You ready for your vigil?” She asked fondly.

He nodded with a serious look on his face.

“Heh sorry I forgot it’s a silent vigil.” She huffed a nervous chuckle, he flicked an ear at that but still remained focused. “Alright I’ll… leave you to your vigil. See you in the morning.”

He nodded again to her as she leapt down. At the base of the rocks she shoos away Otterkit who was trying to climb to the newly made warrior. As soon as she manages to pry him off, Ripplekit is trying to sneak around her as well.

“Ugh would you two leave him alone it almost time for bed anyways.” She groaned.

“We wanna keep watch too!” Ripplekit shouted, caught under her paw.

“We’re warriors!” Otterkit added, giggling as he clambered over her back trying to jump for the large tom.

“I’m about to delay your apprenticeship if you don’t knock it off.” She snagged him off her back and held him mid air as he wiggled.

“No! You can’t, that’s not fair!” Otterkit cried, tears springing to his eyes. Ripplekit managed to wiggle out from under her and go running back to the nursery.

She dropped the black tom gently onto the sand and watched him skitter off behind his brother. She let out a sigh and rolled her shoulders, glancing up to see Shadowdive watching with raised brows.

“Too harsh?” She asked with a groan.

He flicked his ear, smirked and turned back to the grassy fields.

She sighed, shoulders heavy as she sat for a moment, her temper had been slipping more and more lately. Her sleep was restless and left her irritable most days.

As she walked back to the dens, she braced herself for Snowspeckle’s lecture about scaring the kits into behaving. It was what her mom used to do to make the kits fall in order, all the more reason to break this habit.

A few days after becoming a warrior, Shadowdive accompanied Wolfstar on a border patrol. He’s quiet as usual, but it seems to make his leader jittery today and she tries to fill the silence.

“You know, I had just realized we don’t spend a lot of time together just us since I’ve recovered, so I figured I’d ask you to join me on a patrol.” She chuckled nervously, he gave her a nod and kept walking.

As they took turns veering off to mark along the borders, Wolfstar kept talking. Telling him about the early days of Saltclan, how they found Snowspeckle, what she anticipates for the next gathering. By the time they approached the river, she’d covered various topics, most of which he already knew, but the chatter, though awkward, was pleasant. He liked hearing what she had to say, even if she jumped from topic to topic.

Following the river south, they continued to mark until Shadowdive paused, flicking his tail over her mouth to shush her. It took Wolfstar a moment, but she raised her head and caught the floral scent of Honeyclan. The patrol was across the river, stepping out of the tall grass, they spotted the Saltclan patrol quickly.

It was three lean cats, two tabbies and a grey cat, the grey one waved their tail to catch their gaze. They motioned to come over and when Wolfstar nodded, the three took turns jumping across the nearby stepping stones to meet them.

“Hello this is Wolfstar leader of Saltclan and I’m Shadowdive.” It was the first time Shadowdive had spoken this entire patrol. “What business do you have with our patrol?”

“Oooh very formal,” The grey molly seemed to be the leader of the three. Wolfstar huffed at her comment. “Well this is Shiveringleaf and Windswirl, beekeepers of Honeyclan, and I’m Feathertuft, artisan of Honeyclan.”

Windswirl, the ginger tabby molly, stepped forward excitedly.

“We saw your patrol by chance, which is perfect luck as we have a message from Rookstar.” Windswirl said, chest puffed out.

“Oh?” Wolfstar asked, glancing skeptically at Shadowdive, neither cat believed the patrol ‘just happened to see them.’

“Yes, he said that Honeyclan is willing to trade with Saltclan, your artisan can come over and discuss terms and bring their goods.” Feathertuft cut in, not letting Windswirl speak.

“Oh ok that’s good.” Wolfstar smiled, genuinely surprised. “Let him know we’re excited to trade.”

“Well before our clans can trade he does want to meet with you to discuss the borders.” The grey molly smiled, though it didn’t seem sincere. “Preferably before the next gathering.”

Shadowdive huffed in annoyance and Wolfstar couldn’t help but agree.

“I’d be more than happy too.” She said shortly. “We’ll meet day after tomorrow to talk. Sound fair?”

“Sounds fair.” Feathertuft chirped.

The two patrols quickly departed, the Honeyclan cats swiftly crossing the river and disappearing into the tall grass. The pair waited until they were sure the other clan was gone before speaking.

“Fuck that took forever,” Wolfstar groaned, he chuckled as he followed behind her. “Did they annoy you as much as they did me?”

“Even more.” He quipped.

“Ugh and how they were clearly trying to coerce us into discussing the borders!” She continued with a growl. “I wouldn’t have argued if they’d just asked, they didn’t have to dangle a trading offer to make me agree.”

“They’re tricky and manipulative. We’ll need to be careful at the meeting.” He said more seriously now, she nodded along as they headed home.

“How did you manage this?” Lynxpaw asked, voice pinched as Shadowdive sat before her, holding his paw up.

“I was fishing in the tide pools and I slipped.” He mumbled.

“And were you on a hunting patrol?” She asked, again with a strained voice.

“No…” He ducked his head to avoid her glare.

“So why were you hunting so early in the day, when the rocks get slippery with frost?”

“Wolfstar was talking about how good Burnpaw’s cooking was last night, so I figured I’d surprise her with clams for breakfast since it’s the only thing I can cook.” He felt flustered and irritable.

Lynxpaw sighed and finally began to examine his paw. Quietly she palpated the limb, flexing and feeling it move. She watched for tensing or tightness, but he kept his head turned. Turning to gather a few herbs she finally spoke again.

“You shouldn’t see him as competition, he’s your clan mate now and you need to accept that.”

He huffed.

She took a bowl and a rounded wooden utensil, placed some elder leaves in the bowl she carefully began mashing it down. As she went on she added in some beeswax to help smooth the texture.

He watched as she added in more herbs, stinging nettle and comfrey, not that he recognized either. She slowly mixed everything with circle motions until it was a smooth balm.

Finally done she grabbed some long leaves, applied the balm then motioned for his paw again. He held it out to her gingerly.

“Tell me.” She said.

Sometimes he hated how well she could read him, it was spooky.

“I’m mad.” He admitted as she wrapped his sprained paw.

“At Burnpaw?”

“No…. Well yeah but I’m more mad at myself for getting injured right before an important meeting.” He huffed again, fidgeting in place as she secured the leaves with some strips of leather and twine to tie it.

“Meeting? You mean Wolfstar’s meeting with Honeyclan?” Lynxpaw seemed surprised.

“Yeah, because I was trying to show off, I wasn’t able to go with her, she took Snowspeckle instead.”

“Shadowdive, she wasn’t going to take you.”

He blinked a few times.

“What do you mean?”

“Snowspeckle is her deputy, she was always going to take her not you. It wouldn’t make sense to not bring her deputy.” Lynxpaw explained awkwardly, surprised that this was the source of his bad mood.

“I guess… I hadn’t thought of it like that.” He ducked his head again, embarrassed. “She always has me help with important stuff like that. I just thought… we’d keep doing it.”

“Are you mad Snow is deputy?” She asked carefully.

“No, she’s a good warrior.” He sighed, he started to open his mouth but shut it tightly. They stayed in the thick silence while she finished.

Lynxpaw placed his paw down and gave him a head bump.

"You need to stay off of that paw for a couple days at least. Come back tomorrow after the morning meal and I’ll reapply more of the balm.” She said, pulling back she collected her dirty materials.

“Ok… can I stay here for a bit?” He asked.

“Of course.”

He lied down, mindful of his paw, and watched her tidy up the den and placed the balm in a clean jar. When she was done he turned his gaze to the entrance, waiting for Wolfstar and Snowspeckle to return.

As the new moon approached, Snowspeckle finally felt like herself for the first time since her kitting. Her kits were fully weaned, her milk dried up, and the body aches had gone away. She planned to stay in the nursery until her kit’s apprenticeship, but she felt well enough to return to her full duties.

And first thing on her list was getting back to trading, while she was on partial nest rest she’d managed to find an easy effective way to harvest salt. Rather than boil salt water until the water had boiled off leaving salt behind, which risked damaging the pots and required constant monitoring, she made a very shallow pan out of clay filled it with salt water and set it out in the sun. After a few days of warm sunny weather, she was left with the dry crystals ready to be scraped into jars.

This method wouldn’t be as effective come winter when it’s so cold and cloudy, but for now it was a great way for her to produce the salt without having to devote a lot of time to it.

Leaving her kits with Shadowdive for the day, she loaded up her salt jars into a basket and slipped it over her head. Today would be her first time visiting the Artisan Knoll since leaving Oakclan. She felt nervous and excited, able to finally get her hands on various materials they didn’t have in Saltclan and discuss art with her peers.

Just as she could see the Knoll’s entrance, she took a moment to hide her bundle. Tucked between bramble branches, hidden away from unsuspecting eyes, just in case the meeting went sour.

“Hey Stonefur!” She called out to the entrance guard, waving her tail despite her cringe.

The gray cat gave her a scathing look, a sneer twisting their lips as she got closer.

“Deserter.” They spat, but made no attempt to stand.

Ok, they won’t kick me out, she thought. But they’re gonna hassle me before I can enter. Great.

“Nice to see you as well,” Her smile felt tight, she tried not to glance into the Knoll. “I’m here for the artisan’s meeting.”

“That half baked clan lets you craft?” They scoffed.

“They do, I don’t know if you were aware, but I’m Saltclan’s deputy.” She shuffled her paws, waiting for the gib to let her through.

Stonefur barks out a laugh.

“You don’t even have a cleric and they’re rushing to appoint a deputy?”

Snowspeckle kept quiet now, letting her face drop to a neutral, bored look. She’d never gotten along with Stonefur, they were the code keeper assigned to her case when she left Oakclan. The gray gib was in charge of finding proof of her breaking the warrior code, that way the clan could deny her leaving as punishment. But when they’d come up with nothing, it’d left a sour taste in their mouth.

“I have a right to enter, Stonefur. We’ve been offered trade deals with Honeyclan that I need to follow up on.” She said firmly. “I’ll be entering now.”

“Fine, fine, don’t forget your basket.”

She felt her neck get hot as the gob laughed again, she doubled back to retrieve the salt. Passing by the guard again she walked quickly and kept her eyes forward. In the clearing, she let out a sigh of relief, all around her artisans were working with their crafts.

Some cats glanced at her, some flashed smiles, others looked away quickly.

Setting her basket down by the others, she goes to the one cat that no matter what, would talk with her. Even if he was a little annoying.

"Onebranch!" She called out to the brown tom, his grin widened as she approached.

"Snowspeckle, I was wondering when Stonefur would let you in." He chuckled, pausing his task, she cocked her head as she looked over his unusual tools.

"What're you working on?" She asked, genuinely curious.

"I've been experimenting different ways to polish and smooth out rough materials." He said excitedly, he passed her the tools for her to look over. It was a chuck of wood with a flatten, gritty sort of plant stuck to one side, not anything she'd seen naturally before.

"Is this horsetail?" She asked, sniffing carefully. "You used hide glue?"

"I did! I had to fight the camp keepers for part of a deer hide a few moons ago, they wanted to for den repairs but I wanted it more." He puffed his chest out proudly. "Regular pitch kept seeping through the plant and affecting the grittiness."

"Wow that's pretty impressive, this bone flute is very smooth." She praised, turning the instrument over in her paws.

"Thanks, Snowspeckle." He remained puffed up as she passed the tools back to him. "So what're you working on today?"

"Well I was hoping to work on some instruments, actually. Saltclan doesn't get a lot of big game so I was hoping to get some here or maybe find some plant alternatives." She glanced about the Knoll, feeling like an outsider for once.

"Well here." Onebranch passed her the bone flute. "It's basically finished, maybe needs some paint."

"Oh! Thank you," She accepted it. "I have some things to trade with if you'd like."

"Think of it as a gift for being deputy." He brushed his tail along her side.

"And here I thought you'd stopped your flirty ways. " She joked back, tucking the instrument into her basket. She pulled out a jar, catching a few cats attention.

"If you're done with Cassanova over there," A ginger tabby tom called out. "I'm interested in what you've brought."

"Amberstreak, of course." She felt a bit awkward, talking with Nightleap's half sibling, but at least she could trade.

The rest of the day went well, Amberstreak traded three jars of paint for a half jar of salt. They made small talk about the weather and her kits, while he fired his pottery. Afterwards she got to work on some rattles made of old hide and sand. Loudstripe and Onebranch eventually joined her to talk about the upcoming leaf bare festival.

"I don't know how much we can contribute, but we can make some charms and bring rosemary to burn." Snowspeckle admitted as she cinched the final rattle.

"Tanglefur is still in charge of the festivities so I'm sure he'll be fine with whatever you bring." Onebranch shrugged.

"Oh please you know Smallstep is really the one in charge." Loudstripe joked, the Honeyclan molly nudged Snowspeckle with her half done basket.

"Speaking of, will he be arriving soon? It's way past sunhigh." She asked.

"Nope, he's recovering from an injury, Smallstep and Mousefoot have him on strict nest rest so he doesn't miss the festival." The brown tom said flippantly, obviously not concerned.

"That's a shame." She mumbled, focusing on her next project, a woven mat that could be used as a sled for heavy objects.

The trio chatted until the sun began to set, a few more artisans entering and leaving throughout the afternoon. A few more cats traded with Snowspeckle for her salt, most trying not to seem too eager for the uncommon ingredient.

By the time she left she had traded all but one jar of salt and received a bone flute, 3 baskets, 5 paint jars, 4 jams, some flax oil, and a jar of mullein honey. A very good haul, even if she had to argue a bit to get better deals, she was impressed with what she managed to bring home.

The clan was quiet and about to start the evening meal when she finally arrived back home. Her kits eager to speak about their day and Wolfstar taking the heavy load just as Shadowdive passed her a bowl of stew. She settled into a comfortable loaf as she let the chatter wash over her, content with her decision to stay in the clan.

Next

Prev

Moon 0

[chaifootsteps]

my bets for the next three HB episodes:

Blitzo seeing the ghost of his mother is his big cathartic moment that will be his character development. he'll change from this point on - and by change I mean he'll still be rude to Moxxie but he'll forget ever having stood up for himself in order to be Stolas' knight in shining armor who exists solely to help him fix problems Stolas himself caused. at worst they'll even make his mother imply he needs to change to find love again instead of anything cathartic for Blitzo's trauma, like telling him it was just an accident and she didn't blame him. the show won't even pretend to care about the business from now on

the Millie suicide thing will still happen. knowing how long production takes and how much the crew refuses to change tack, the scene will basically be intact from the leaks

probably a brief flashback to when Blitzo recruited Millie, to throw her fans some crumbs

Loona will...idk, have a line or two and that's probably it...? going by the ghost leaks she still hates Blitzo and he's fine with that, so no change there

Stolas will lose his titles/palace due to breaking demon law. Both he and the writers decide this is Blitzo's fault and act like not only did Stolas never have a choice, he did what he did to support the business and not to get sex. (the audience in unison responds with 'that's cap')

IMP are probably going to go on the run from DHORKs/CHERUB but decide to stay and defeat them easily since the writers can't be bothered with them and they're considered joke villains by Viv compared to the 'real' storyline i.e. the Goetia family drama. The cast once again acts like only Blitzo is responsible for them playing fast and loose with human disguises/general incompetence. The whole plot point is just an excuse for a lowest moment for Blitzo who feels abandoned by everyone until they come back and band together. This moment will likely be the closest thing to what the premise promised, if it isn't totally glanced over

Blitzo going to Stolas' rescue when he stupidly goes over to his now-iced over palace to talk to Via is framed as Blitzo's redemption.

Anyway, Blitzo fights against Andre despite him being way more powerful while Stolas clings to him like a tiny baby and does absolutely sweet FA to help out while IMP risk their lives for him, again. Stolas doesn't say thank you for this because of course he doesn't.

Somewhere in the midst of this Stol1tz happens and it's the worst ever. Only Blitzo risking his and his employee's lives is enough to have Stolas deign to forgive him

forgot to mention but it was probably implied - my cynicism has kicked back in so rn I'm betting not only does Stolas not apologize or learn anything, the show just moves on to the next thing like it was never implies in Apology Tour that he needed to learn anything. The show's position is Stolas Did Nothing Wrong and it sticks to it at all costs

season ends with Hell Christmas which is mostly indistinguishable from Earth Christmas for no reason. Stolas has lost Via but got Blitzo as a consolation prize, with Blitzo promising to fix yet more of Stolas' problems for him by taking responsibility for his daughter leaving him because of course none of this mess is Stolas' fault

(the rest of IMP is in the background somewhere; the show doesn't care what they're doing at this point)

100%. Blitzo's mom's ghost, assuming she doesn't outright tell him that Stolas is great and he's bad for not realizing it, is probably going to give him some spiel about how "he deserves to love and be loved" which he'll put into practice by continuing to abuse Moxxie but allowing Stolas to kick him in the head whenever it makes Stolas feel better.

Remember, Stolas is """"trying!""""

[wassupmygays]

yap about ur headcanons about the socs pls!!

heheeh okay some misc things about the soc guys that have popped into my head throughout the week (im sorry this is so long)

EDIT: ok ive put it all under the cut bc it got so long but i do yap a little bit about each soc guy so please read hehe :)

Chet

chet and his family moved from california when he was in 3rd grade. his first friend in town was one sodapop curtis on his little league baseball team

his dad is a cop and wants to advance up the ranks, and his mom wants to make sure they keep up their good social standing, so chet was not friends with soda for long

you know those boys in like 5th grade that crack all the dumb jokes, hit all the door frames, and tease every girl "because he likes her"? thats chet and trip

this is inspired by @/sky4cherry iirc but chet does Nawt get attention at home man. his dad is always busy with work and a little mean (yknow how dads are in the 60s) and his mom is always working on the next social function or trying to appease his dad. anyways he is just always at another soc guy's house just to have someone Talk to him

i think he picks up drinking and smoking, and fighting, for a similar reason to bob: he just wants his parents to fucking notice he's doing something wrong. but theyre high enough now in the social and job spaces that they can just wipe any misdemeanors under the rug

i cant decide if chet is an only child, or if he has like 2 siblings that are way older than him. idk

Trip

terrance dipp is The Exasperated older brother ever. bro did Nawt want a little brother sorry melvin.

anyways unfortunately i do think trip is very much a guy's guy. that boy is Not a good boyfriend to marcia unfortunately :(((((( at least by the time we get to their sophomore year/the show

him and chet can not be sat together in class. they will never shut up or stop hitting each other.

chet broke his arm one time in like 6th grade. trip threatens to break it again at least once a month

ive said this before but ill say it again: trip and melvin are just soc steve and ponyboy. trip is so tired of his kid brother being in all his sports and trying to tag along to everything

that being said, he was looking out for melvin so much during the rumble. he knew their mom would kill him if he brought his brother home all beat up, but also he really really didn't want him to get too hurt.

he Always goes to marcia to patch him up after hes been in a fight. (after the rumble though, him and marcia are on the rocks, and hes got melvin to worry about. so he just sneaks melvin home and tries to clean him up before their mom sees. its actually a sweet bonding moment between them i think)

trip lovesssss verbally poking fun at any greaser in school, especially two-bit. after he realizes two-bit likes marcia, his mean jokes become a lot more threatening

(i do love trip i promise i just also think hes kinda a mean guy. you know the kind of rowdy douche bags in high school im talking about. im so sorry ksco and sean jones i promise i love trip kdjfkdjf)

Brill

clark brillstein i'll be so incredibly honest i dont have much in my brain for him :((( i gotta sit and think more

i do think he has one of the better home lives out of the bunch, and hes got his lovely perfect girlfriend, and hes good at sports, and honestly i think he just. gets tired of everyone thinking hes got it so perfect all of the time. i think maybe thats why he likes all the fighting so much

while he is relatively happy with his life rn, hes tired of being doted on like hes perfect. and also sometimes he sees everyone else's lives being so shitty, he feels likes hes got to pick fights to justify him feeling bad about his lot.

Paul

ohhh im gonna have to hold myself back from talking about him forever. he will get his own post at some point aDKFJDKFJK

anyways. paul holden. the messiest and most scared gay kid in the town of tulsa

i think he and bob literally grew up together. like their parents are Old old friends, so paul and bob have always basically been brothers despite a 2/3 ish year age difference (i dont feel like doing the exact math). i think bev's parents are also in this old friend group, so pauls known her forever too

anyways. he was probably the bob of his friend group in his class, which is why nobody really really protested darry being in their group. but i also think that when he was with darry, paul didnt really care about the whole social friend group of things too much.

contrary to popular belief i dont think paul is the friend-group-leader type. idk if that makes sense and i can yap about it more but.

anyways post-darry breakup paul is a fucking mess. hes sad and angry and those fights that darry was always trying to stop feel so damn good. maybe bob and his buddies are on to something, and bob's dad always has a full liquor cabinet

Bob

obviously we know the most about bob and his home life and inner psyche and reasons for fighting and honestly all of it really resonates in my brain. like yea im keeping all of that

bro has charisma to the max. like he has always been the ringleader of the friend group, even in like 4th grade when all the boys started becoming best buddies

he used to be such a mommas boy. before her praise just became so meaningless.

oh ive just had a revelation. he is an angrier and more resigned buddy aldridge from rotpl. his dad is pulling the strings to make sure his precious son is climbing all the right ladders.

the difference here tho is bob realized this earlier, and that started his spiral into fights and drinking and causing problems. he wanted to see what would finally make his dad stop covering and fixing everything for him. he never found that limit

he knows cherry cant stand the drinking, and i do think he does feel bad about ignoring her feelings about it. but his urge to push back against everything and spit in the face of anyone who tries to tell him how he should be just overpowers. and god everything is more fun when hes boozed up

[xaveria]

it really is funny how many american ‘white’ women believe the universe is providing for them because of them manifesting their ideas into reality or whatever the fuckin theory of attraction shit is when its like. no youre just privileged

i have no fuckin idea what my life would have looked like if i wasnt a reasonably conventionally attractive white woman in america?? not only do i have the privilege of being a white woman in america but my hometown is mostly Black and i am genuinely a minority here. my mom literally got hired at a Black law firm as their diversity hire in the 90s 😂 yes white people ESPECIALLY WHITE WOMEN have a ton of privilege even when we are not the majority

denying your privilege is so fucking cringe i like literally talk about this irl with coworkers and ppl in my community all the time. i so desperately want to use this privilege to improve my community for all.

its been crushing dealing with disabilities that limit my physical activities and just trying to keep myself financially stable while so much evil is going on in the world rn. i am ridiculously passionately anti war but i have been preparing for genocide since i was a kid. i grew up in a Black and Jewish community so i wasnt shielded from this shit. white americans get your fucking shit together NOW. liberalism will not protect our families. (our families are not just blood btw.)

anyways all this is to say im glad i might be getting a dykey construction/contractor job and learning real skills and meeting people throughout my town. its been horrible dealing with a spine injury on top of everything. but my injections worked and THE TIGER IS OUT god damn i need to join a union

[the-sonic-crew]

It did take me forever to actually send that ngl (the social anxiety thing) im actually shaking rn so my spelling may be a bit off, but i am able to send things to people when im slightly comfortable most of the time depending what i write i immediately regret it, it sucks and yes my mom is not a doctor though she tries she never does research.

She says she researched my adhd but i assume only the rough surface of it, but thats fine ig

But yes i remember in my first year of high school i was so nervous it was like pretty much during covid but we were aloud back into school with a certain protocol i remember this vividly because i remember feeling so bad for my group members, i was so nervous and everything but when it came to my turn to present i had the papers in my hand and i shook and stuttered so bad i almost cried and you could actually hear the paper almost rip, someone has to take over luckily for me my teacher was the best so supportive she was my tnt/advisory or whatever you call them teachers you need to visit everyday for atleast 20 minutes before a class, but she told me i didn’t need to present alone by myself even though i didn’t say i word that day or anything.

If i do get comfortable with someone i become the biggest CHATTER BOX in the world and honestly im surprised people stayed friends with me, i did take drama class and let me just say that did help me slightly but thats mostly because i had friends with me to help me out in the class pretty sure i would have broke in that class all by myself…

Anyways sorry about the rant it will be hard to speak up about this to my mom but i will definitely try i saw that shadow also has social anxiety, how do you deal with it shads?

Shaking so badly rn haha, but bad shaking does also run in my family so topping that with my social anxiety is probably bad, its the reason i learned to be so gentle with things and it makes my family have to remind me with certain things that I don’t need to be gentle

Damn i realized i wrote a lot sorry about that little rant of mine

Please, it's not a problem.

I'm still proud of you for being able to send us a message in the first place.

Have you considered the possibility you may have selective mutism?

I'm no psychiatrist/psychologist but it sounds like it could be a possibility.

Selective mutism is essentially where you cannot speak in public/when your uncomfortable, but can speak when you're comfortable and at ease.

It's just something I'd look into.

Anyways, I understand it's hard but I sincerely believe talking to your mother and/or having a trusted adult talk to her for you would be a very good choice.

But I also understand it's difficult, Sonic hasn't social anxiety a day in his life, he wouldn't understand how you feel, but I do and I know how difficult it is.

Please take care, and feel free to send us a message anytime.

[theshiftingwitch]

hii. im scared this is gonna be a bit long. im sorry but i would really appreciate some advice.

i know how to manifest, i know i have to affirm and persist, do not care about doubts etc. but i simply do not know what i want

i broke things off with my ex on october and after that i went on some dates and even got somewhat intimate with a guy i really liked, but this whole time i still had my ex in mind. me and this guy stopped talking 2 weeks ago out of nowhere, even tho i was affirming for him while seeing him, but i was like whatever i will just get him back, but i cant get myself to persist for him, i just get a rush of motivation and after sometime im thinking about my ex and throwing some "he misses me and hes begging me to take him back"

the reason im not manifesting my ex back is bc things between me and him got really complicated, he treated me so bad and made me cry so many times, he was always saying he wasnt good enough for me and that he would change and do anything for me, but things never changed, which is why i broke up with him in the first place, which ended up leaving me ever more hurt bc he started treating me like trash and saying some stuff to me. My mom and friends hate him, his friends hate me,, and i know now i created those situations but they still hurt me very much, i wanted to move on thats why i didnt manifest him back. also bc i feel like i have so many things to work through and so many limiting beliefs and solid beliefs on him and that it would be hard to get him to conform yk, i know this itself is a limiting belief but i have it

but im kinda second guessing myself rn, sometimes i get visions of him with other girls and i really do not want that, he is still my baby after all and i'll tell you im starting to tear up writing this lol.

do you think it is better for me to manifest the guy i was seeing and really liked? and try to forget my ex even tho everytime i think about him (which is often) i can feel my chest tighten,, or should i accept that it is actually him that i want and put in the work?

for manifesting him back i was thinking about doing it in steps and with the list method, so first get him to apologize (him regretting and telling me stuff i need to hear, begging for me) then after we get back in contact to start affirming for a healthy relationship .

last thing, i have no idea what he's been up to this past months, i told my friends not to tell me anything if they saw him or heard about him, the only times i saw him was when we last talked that he promised me he would take this time to change and come back to me but could not promise me loyalty during this time bc "anything could happen", the morning when i go to school bc to get to mine i have to pass near to where him and his friends are (however i always tell myself not to look) and 1 week ago at the club, i was dancing with my friend and i saw him staring at me seemingly sad(???), breaking his neck almost bc i was far and behind where he was (i didnt know he was there this just happened), after i started affirming that he misses me when i think about him (but this affirming was not anything i actually committed to).

so, sorry, anyways i want to make sure in this 2 months he did not talk or kissed or anything with any girl, but i do not know how to go about this, im scared that bringing attention to that "not happening" would just increase the chances of that happening, how should i write it down?? (i would put this in the list method, while affirming for an apology)

im so so so sorry this was so long, but i want to finally have some clear idea of what i want .. so sorry, thank u so much in advance.

It sounds to me like you want closure more than you want your ex back.

Just as a disclaimer, although I always tell people how to manifest their SPS, I hold a deep grudge against shitty people, and I never condone manifesting someone who has been shitty to you in the past. You have your free will of course, and you can do whatever you want, but to clear my conscious I have to say, manifesting someone out of thin air who is your exact type is better than going through the process of manifesting someone who has already shown you their true colors.

Now onto your question: if you can't tell which one you want, and you're switching back and forth between the two guys, sitting down with your thoughts and journaling would be a very good idea for you. Get clear with your thoughts on what you want, ask yourself probing questions, and let it all out onto your notebook and you'll find that you already know what you want, it's just that your mind is clouded with a lot of clutter that you simply don't need. Once you shut down the noise, you will get a clear answer.

There is a reason why you're not committing to affirming, and you're not using any methods to get your ex back, and it is simply because deep down you know that you deserve better. And it's true, you do deserve better. Whether that better is the guy you're currently seeing, or someone else completely, that is totally up to you.

Here's my suggestion: if you are looking for closure, you can simply affirm that he apologized for his behavior. Nothing has to happen after that apology, you don't have to have a heart-to-heart or a second chance or anything, with your family and friends hating him and his friends hating you, it's already taken a toll on your mental health. So I can tell you that you can just affirm that you have a happy healthy relationship with him and everything is working out but it seems to drain you, and I never condone using anything that would drain you or suck the joy out of your life. That is not how manifestation is supposed to be. Manifestation is supposed to be easy and fun.

But if you sit down with yourself and you clear your thoughts and you realize that you do want him back, I do not suggest the list method for you. In this case, you would do better with a script. Write down how you wanted this relationship to go, from the very beginning, not just the apology. Go back to how you two started and rewrite the whole story. Give him the attributes you want in your dream guy, write down that he is obsessed with you and he loves you and he cherishes you and you didn't have to break up with him in the first place, write down that the relationship is perfect and everyone involved likes you two together. Then when you finish that script simply affirm that everything in your script came true.

I hope that helps, and if my personal opinion is not something you wanted to hear, please feel free to disregard it completely.

Happy manifesting ❤️

[totallynoteggos]

lol hey this is just a vent post abt my life rn I don’t really expect any on u to read this

Tw if you do read this: talk of Anxiety, ppl not understanding neurological limitations, talk of vauge self exit and SH (its very minor) overall vent post shit

Sorry u have to see me in such a shifty mental state but I need to get this off my chest before I resort to violence

Once again, not KND stuff this is a Vent Post

I’m not neurotypical by any means I'm on some spectrum but all we know so far is that I have OCD and Anxiety. Also I'm going into the 9th grade which that In of itself is a stressful situation but in the last four years I've never stayed in the same school so seeing the same people is hella new to me. I have this really bad habit of going no contact with people after the school year is over because I usually never see them again. My mom can't seem to understand that there are simply things I can't do because of the anxiety & OCD (and I'm not using this as a reason to act out or defy her) abt 2 weeks ago we went to get food, now usually I order my food to make sure I get what I like and not have a mixup. And pls notice this was after a week long “vacation” that ended up being stressful and draining. But anyways there was a mixup and I ended up with a burger with all toppings instead of plain, which caused me to panic because I was hungry and stressed before already. And instead of trying to accommodate she stood firm in her beliefs that I need to get over it and just eat the damn burger. And I heavily insisted on not eating it and eating the fries instead. After a argument (and at the instance of my grandma) she bought me another burger and while in line I told her outright that there are some things that I physically can't do or else they send me into a panic. She that said that she “gets that” but I don't have to act out In front of my grandma which she idolized. And now like I said with the whole start of school she's saying “it wont be your best years if you don't let it be your best years” but I don't think she understands that I don't know how to do that. I've moved around a lot and I've been made fun of a lot due to my interests, hobbies and simply just to be the clown. Most of the people I befriend end up getting annoyed or just keep me around until I say something that doesn't make me the dumb and “quirky” one. And like I said I suck at keeping contact and now everyone still has their old friend groups and mine just see me as a joke or weirdo now. Its stressing me out so much and its only been two days, hell yesterday I would have thrown up from the stress but because I was so stressed I didn't eat shit so I didn't throw up. School stresses me out so much it's unimaginable, its the people, the sounds, the halls, the fact that people won't leave you alone, someone always talking or screaming, just please shut the fuck up so I can learn and be out of here. And god its so fucking hard not feeling what everyone else around you feels. My moms getting upset at me for not wanting to go on the busses when I have gone on one and it left 20 fucking minutes from my house cus the lady was screaming and I got scared as was about to cry. And now she wants me to try again with kids I don't fucking know who some how don't know personal space or manners. And back to the emotions things, why the fuck don't I feel the same as them, god I feel so fucking robotic compared to my mother and everybody else but they also make me feel like a god damned mutt. On one hand they think it's weird that I don't want to talk or to Interact but somehow don't realize that it's their fault I don't want to, and on the other hand whenever I'm upset or angry and actually show it its MY fault. Because apparently since I'm the youngest of my family im supposed to have the personality of pinkie pie and I have no problems. And because I'm quiet, friendly or just shy and I'm supposed to control my emotions because I'm a ��young lady”. I've tried talking to my mom about home school because my school has that as a option but she says that I can't hide when she's been doing that too. Sometimes I feel like she cares more for the happiness of those she wants to impress rather than that of her family. But god if all of life feels like this then count me out cus its too much to be alive right now. I think ima take a shot or three of night quill and hopefully sleep until ITs to late to go to school

Goodnight

[not-carmilla-karnstein]

on the topic of that food bank post:

my mom and i talked about this not too long ago, maybe a week or two. the topic came up because it was the end of the month and one reason for me visiting her was just so i could get a proper warm meal. (to be fair, i could just try to get a grip of my impulse purchases (though they are mostly food-related and the "impulse" is hunger so i actually don't know if that counts- moving on...))

i mentioned how i get stuff through food sharing sometimes (very inconsistent but highly appreciated source) and from that we got to food banks and how we could have (/ should have) used that opportunity basically all our life. and about how – be it through shame or the feeling of failing or whatever other reason – she rather took on multiple "legal" minimum wage jobs and other "illegal" jobs than getting that kind of help.

i study in a different city from where i live, and in my breaks i often walk past the food bank there, so i have a visual reminder (other than my empty fridge (though that's partly by choice bc full fridges freak me out (more on that another time...))) that that's a thing i/we could do. i even looked at my city's food bank's website, and while it's unfortunate that you can only go there to get a card between 8 and 10am or smth, it's not like i have 100% attendance on my classes. (actually, last year i got down to 73% and it would've been less if getting under 70% didn't get me into quite serious financial trouble. anyways...) but knowing me i will procrastinate going there until i move elsewhere anyway or someone somehow "makes me".

now is this my fault, my mom's fault? no. neither. as with most problems, it boils down to capitalism, etc. we grow up being shown pictures of sad, starving children. we are asked to donate and help save their lives because if we don’twho else will. we are told to be grateful for what we have because others have it worse. we are told our greed (= average people not donating money) is what kills these children. it's always "others have it worse and if you complain you're greedy and the reason for others' misery" and that's how capitalism survives.

... now this is still more a semi-coherent rant than a proper piece of writing so there's no satisfying end to this post but i'm cold and hungry and my first instinct was to go "nahhh it's not cold enough to turn on the heating and i basically just ate i'll just go to sleep" rather than falling into anti-capitalist rage and i don't like that. (although it is honestly better for my nerves and mental state to not get too deep into it Every Single Time. but also capitalism will kill us all and i refuse to leave that uncommented at any point. now i'm going to Eat something (preferably The Rich but that's not an option rn) and then go to sleep. good night.

[sonic06apologist]

I can't sleep cause no work life ruining my sleep schedule and so why not just talk about traumatic thing in my life that I can't stop thinking about rn idk maybe getting it out will help. This isn't a new story I think the long mutuals know about this. My brother has been on my mind for some reason, haven't talked to him in almost a decade but I'm thinking about our last time ever seeing each other. He is a dumbass that joined the marines. he got back from a tour in the middle east and was visiting me and my parents. this was my last year of college i believe. I still remember that night, i was just trying to play some games and he decided to join me and just say the most racist shit in front me. Like oh no shit the marines made him worse than he already was. Like he was doing this to try and get a rise of me which i fell for again and just asked him "hey, can you like not say all this racist stuff when you're around me? I don't care if you do it with your buddies but I just don't like hearing that kinda stuff man" like I asked him nicely and all he did was call me a fuckin pussy so I just said whatever and decided to walk away. But he just follows me and keeps calling me a pussy while i try to just go to my room and be left alone. Like I make it to my room and just yell at him "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE YOU FUCKING MURDERER" Hey we all know he is on here I feel this site is the only place I can talk about that part without everyone thinking its my fault cause i hurt a marines feelings. Anyways he did snap and scream at me "ILL FUCKING KILL YOU" as he tried to then choke me to death, like damn you're just proving my point... My mom rushed in and tried to pull him off of me and he decks my mom and thats the last thing i remember before passing out (if you cant tell I lived) my dad was able to pull him off of me and literally threw him out of the house using his 3rd amendment right. My brother has been my own personal bully my entire life and has physically (and mentally) harmed me all my life but never tried to kill till like then. But i wasn't even mad about that I was furious he hit our mom. Like you fucker she spoiled you your whole life you fucking brat. I have told myself I would never speak to him again until he apologized for hitting our mom. Well he's too late for that. I just got distracted looking at fightpads for a moment cause damn those are cool controllers.... Like right now not in the past. Anyways My brother became estranged after that. Idk I'm just like thinking about rn, Moment just stuck in my head. Sometimes I wonder what if he tries to reach out to me and apologize. Who knows. Im just here to vent from a decades long trauma event.

[uriekukistan]

choso and/or megumi? :)

im so. i just spent so long typing this out only for the page to crash and delete everything i said. why does tumblr HATE ME anyway thank you for the ask i’ll try to remember everything i said the first time 😭

choso!!

favorite thing about them: his relationship with itadori is so cute! such a good brother! his facial expressions are so cute and silly! literally found out itadori was his brother and went “okay i’ll die for u now”

least favorite thing about them: the fact that they robbed him of his sick shoes in the anime. maybe something else will come up in the future but for now that’s it

favorite line: i got two! *in a life or death situation* can u just call me onii chan like once please please please please (paraphrasing), *facing kenjaku after finding out that they’re his dad and yuuji’s mom* “hey little bros look at this im gonna kill our parent

brOTP: gotta go w yuuji since they are in fact bros. his relationship w mahito is so silly to me tho, and i’d love to see him interact with todo!

OTP: i dont really have one. rn i think he’s too focused on his brothers to think abt that

nOTP: its not a no for me per se just that i think choso and yuki are very one sided. yuki clearly likes him but he’s too focused on yuuji rn

random headcanon: i can see him having a long skincare routine with a fluffy hairband

unpopular opinion: i think he is frequently mischaracterized in the name of fitting ppl’s sexual fantasies about him. ofc im all for having fun but i noticed it does impact broader perceptions of his character sometimes. could say this about any jjk man tho.

song i associate with them: mmmm maybe sunflower by post malone, don’t have a reason for it buy yea

favorite picture of them: have two

MEGUMIIIII

favorite thing about them: he is me i am him we are the same. realistic depiction of what it is like to be abandoned by your parental figure and then be told you’re “special” for some reason and now too much is expected of you but you never wanted this in the first place. i could raise him so well let me adopt him. I Will Take Care Of Him.

least favorite thing about them: can’t. that’s my son.

favorite line: soooo many but i think about “so start by saving me itadori” DAILY. hourly even.

brOTP: love his relationship with kugisaki. would love to see him with yuuta more for purely self indulgent reasons that are not related to my dancers au….

OTP: obviously gotta go with ITAFUSHI i could talk abt them for hours. a brain virus fr they’re everything to me.

nOTP: 🧑‍💻 megumi & sukuna, megumi & toji, megumi & gojo, megumi & mai, etc. i try not to yuck other ppls yum but uh. i couldn’t even decide which of these was worst.

random headcanon: uhhh this ones a sad one, but i think before gojo came along, he and his sister were starving (compared to other characters shown as kids he looks much bonier), so even into adulthood, he has a hard time gaining weight from the effects of childhood malnutrition and as a result, is a bit less physically strong than he could potentially be (still very strong tho)

unpopular opinion: you already know what im gonna say. most overhated character in jjk. yall need to get off his back before i get violent im so serious rn everything he does is a perfectly valid reaction to the trauma he’s been through since he was literally a toddler

song i associate with them: i got so many…recently been thinking of dreams of losing teeth by suave punk & moon i already know by mount eerie the most

favorite picture of them: soo many…unhinged megumi vs pocket sized gumi i cant pick

[fraosinfandoms]

Redid my reference sheet back in december! I'm still not 100% with their design tbh but im too lazy to do a redesign again! Also i cannot keep their wing size consistent it's horrendous. (Maybe at the end of the year ill redo it again ... a version 3 ... like its a tradition ...)

Edit: I've now turned this into a masterpost for my oc so have a summary of their stories!

Canon:

World setting: Quick explanation of the world bc it's important to understand why I wrote what I wrote. The world is basically the same as ours except with hybrids and magic and stuff (I'll shortly refer to this as just hybrids) and also better in the sense that people are more tolerant. Even though humans still make up the majority of the population, you'll rarely see any specism going on. I don't base the places where everything goes on on a specific country/culture, just how I see the world (though I definitely wouldn't say everything takes place in Belgium). SO to say it shortly, it's a happy world made for me to self-indulge.

Story: Fraos grew up on a farm with their dad. They are pretty well off, not millionaires or anything but they can afford niceties. Fraos is homeschooled by their dad who is pretty good at it. Their dad is a chicken avian like them and his name ... is David (I suck ass at coming up with masc names sorry). Once Fraos is 'graduated' from secondary (I am going to use the Flander's school system fuck you guys with ur highschool and shit) they decide they want to go to college and live on their own during that. They also wanna try and live off their own money, so while their dad provides the money needed to attend college and the first month or two of rent, Fraos gets 2 jobs. A day and a night job. the day job is working at a cat shelter, and the night job is working at a night cafe (idk if this actually exists but in the first itteration of the story it was a bar but that doesnt fit in with my current vision). The only reason they do 2 jobs it purely because they want to, even though 1 would suffice. At college they are studying photography, and then we are in the present day in canon. I hope that's a bit clear.

One thing I didnt mention is that their mom died when they were like 3-4 years old so I thought I'd say that real quick. Their mom was a snow owl avian

I'll write out their story eventually and then post it on ao3 and link to that here :)

Alternate universes:

Okay so Fraos is in 2 alternate universes and 1 au that is kinda not an au but it's complicated, and I'm also going to add summaries to those stories here bc im on a roll anyway

Starting off the the au but not an au bc the other two aus are loosely based on this on. This is the story I have made with a couple of friends over the past like 4 years or so about our minecraft SMPs. We are on our 4th one right now, and I'll only be talking about that one bc Fraos wasnt a thing in the first 3, rather it was a different oc whom I killed off in the 3rd smp. I am however not going to explain the entire story and setting bc then I'd still be writing by tomorrow

Fraos goes through roughly the same stuff as in the original story, but instead of wanting to go to college they wanna go explore the world, so they do. Eventually at some point they get knocked out off the air by some wind and crash into a little camp. This camp is from a group of travelers who are searching for the Farlands, and Fraos decided to join them because it's a great way to explore. Eventually they all give up on their search, especially bc there are some elders who are on the verge off death. (I mean they do die somewhat but that's too long to explain and not important rn). they all settle near eachother, Fraos settling in a small mountain area. Semi important is that they arent used to being around other people so they may or may not spy on people to see how to act. Anyway and bunch of stuff happens and eventually a tech guy named Ximie wages war on the non tech people, which are Elmo Jr. and, well, Fraos. Somehow. I actually dont know bc we never write this shit out and it makes me forget what the consensus is. Anyway uuhmm sort of nuken and nuclear warfare blabla bla they all have to move bc their homes are destroyed fromm the war and they go to a desert (for some reason all of them idk). Fraos is really upset that their home got destroyed and is now trying their best to recover.

Might make a ref sheet later bc the outfits are different here

The next au is my from one to another au (https://archiveofourown.org/series/4077508). Just know that they're a wizard mage whatever and they lived on a ship before they docked long time in the primary location of the story. I made this design in gacha life 2 so here you go:

It's a bit outdated tbh cuz they DEF would not wear a skirt (i dont even know what that outfit is for anymore) but yeah. I cannot draw that hat for shit so this is all you get.

And then the last au, my personal favourite is my I love my wife au (https://archiveofourown.org/series/4419658) which is just pure self-indulgence and me trying to write a romantic relationship shipping mine and my online wife's ocs (we arent actually together btww thought I'd mention that. she does have a girlfriend and everything I write is just fiction, not RPF)

Here the story is exactely the same as the original, except they meet Smiley and everything. If you wanna know more just read it, but know 99% of it was written around or past midnight. I didnt write everything in chronological order and i keep procrastinating on making a list with everything in order sooooo just figure it out tbh

Here their design is just the same as the original

Thanks for reading my yap 🙏

[gammascw]

What do you think? All the super Wings movie?

ooh this is a fun one, although i only watched it once, which is the korean dub from yt, ill give it a try anyway

first off, the plot: long story short, it was a shitshow (at least in my opinion),

lets take one of my points since i only think of one at the moment (lmao). anyway imo i dont think an out-of-this-world insane toymaker that is billy willy, is fit to become the main antagonist of the movie. in fact, i don't even get the BW's airship idea because the second the airship took off, it would've been shot down like immediately. My point? The world's air force (even from world powers) doesn't really care about BW's silly willy actions. BW's airship situation is like you're flying an unregistered aircraft holding a "SHOOT ME" sign and still countries from around the world wont bat an eye Take that one scene where a bunch of people got abducted by BW, including Pei's mom. that whole scene could've been prevented if the People's Liberation Army Air Force intercepted the damn thing. Should BW's airship got taken down by a bunch of Shenyang J-35s and crashed on the sea (for safety reasons of course we dont want casualties) and BW and his gang were found dead, thus cancels out the plotline for the movie, and everyone lived happily ever after except Jett for whatever reason

i wish i could give you more points for the plot but that's all that i could think rn

anyway, moving on... the music (cause im a music guy). From what I could describe, the music and the OST were bangers (lowercase). It's something you would expect from a superhero movie; dramatic, orchestral, thrill, etc etc. Also hats off to the end credits music for being the music that touches me the most (in fact i made an 'edit' replacing the end credits OST for another one ill post it later)

the characters. they were okay-ish. for their benefit, they kinda brought back jerome, which is cool. and thats kinda it. for the negatives, i think the characters were made to be off-universe, like not on par with what we have on the show for the most part. I heard that the movie not on-par with the show is infuriating, and I kinda understand why

overall tho, coming from a guy who watched this 'half-blind', the least i can say is that this movie should've been worked on better.

But at the end of the day, as I watched through the movie with slight giggles and cringe, I felt reminiscent of the days where I would turn on the TV every day after school, watching my favorite show beginning in 2015. and as I watched this, I felt longing for the Super Wings I know and love as a kid. Long story short, it touched me.

so yeah, thanks for coming to my ted talk, i hope you're satisfied (cause i dont and i wish i could write more but im eepy) i think ill do a follow-up post but not in the near future

oh yeah p.s. ill be revealing my au that has been on thought (and on the making) since a year ago on january 31st (my bday also) so stay tuned